Those Phrases from My Father Which Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was simply just surviving for twelve months."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of being a father.

However the actual experience quickly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, every change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he required support.

The simple words "You aren't in a good place. You must get some help. In what way can I support you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges new fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a wider failure to communicate amongst men, who often hold onto harmful notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a display of failure to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a respite - spending a couple of days away, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" connection with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "poor decisions" when younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a friend, your other half or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, staying active and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their stories, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - prioritising you is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead give the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they acknowledged their issues, altered how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, on occasion I feel like my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."